Twas the night before first day of camp and MAMA is freaking OUT!

A couple of months ago we entered a raffle at an event at Ben's school and surprise surprise we won. Our prize was a free week of Summer camp. Now please understand that we had absolutely no intention of sending Ben to camp but it was a free week and given the obscene price of tuition we were not going to turn down anything free this place is willing to offer us. Besides I told myself it would be great preparation for the first day of school - you know preparation for separation anxiety (mine not his).

So here we are the night before camp and I am absolutely a mess. Hubby is away on a business trip and I am trying my hardest to do my happy camp dance for Ben - all the while I am trying to hold back the tears. Tell me somebody how the hell did this possibly happen so fast? Where did these last three years go? And how do these camp people possibly think he will be okay without me - are they nuts??

Let me back up - when we won this prize I spoke to the camp person and told him that since Ben would only be attending for a week I would clear my schedule and attend with him - no sense to make the transition when we would have to do it all over again in the Fall. Seems logical to me - anyway camp person called this weekend to let me know that I would not be able to stay with Ben the entire time because the other kids may want their mommies too! Hmmmm interesting twist - camp person did inform me that they have a "special" room for "special" parents who do not want to leave their kids where parents can stay in the building and have coffee and bagels. Okay so he is trying to calm me down with caffeine and carbs two of my favorite things but still seriously I am supposed leave him - alone - in a room without me - WHAT?!?!? In the interest of full disclosure Ben has been running around the house all night packing his back pack screaming "I am so excited about camp" all night - so this freak out is really mine and mine alone.

I would like to know where in the attachment parenting handbook is the chapter that explains how one is supposed to separate from their baby. You know the part where you are supposed to function independently of your child for 4 whole hours - where is that section? Because somehow I am supposed to do something tomorrow that I have never done before - leave my son in the care of someone I do not know with a bunch of other kids and happily go to the next room and drink coffee and eat bagels and be completely okay with this.

The truth is my heart will break as my little boy, this perfect human that John and I have created goes into his little camp room - but my heart will also at the very same time be filled with immense pride and happiness. And that's what this whole parenting thing is - a freakin emotional roller coaster of fear, love, joy and freak outs. As much as I want to keep him with me forever I want to see him go out into the world and be the happiest kid he can be and that is what tomorrow is all about.

Happy first day of camp Ben - mommy will try very hard to keep it together!